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Someone says Wreckler.
Push.
We say Push here.
Says Wreckler.
I don't want anyone here, I interrupt, to use the word Wreckler.
She says it again. Wreckler.
Over here, I interrupt, we say Push.
She says it again, so I interrupt once more. We say Push over here, I say.
She says Wreckler.
You said ..., Madam, I say, and we don't want anyone here to use that word. And you said it twice. Say Push.
Push.
Wreckler, Wreckler, you said it twice and now you say Push. Get out.
She doesn't.
Daniil Charms things happen. Shit happens. Kick her. Slam the door. Kick her nose, take her clothes off. Shove your penis in her brain. Make sure it's yours. Poison her.
Anyway, dead or not, she gets up. This is Charms, she says. You damn fool, she says, you clumsy son of a bitch, and so on.
No it isn't, I say.
It is, she says.
No it isn't, I add. Ooh, ooh, it is, sure it is. But wouldn't that be the germ it had, I am Charms. Yes, Mam, look at me, Charms, Daniil Charms, it's me. I am Daniil Charms.
No, you 're not, she says.
Mam, I wouldn't have told you, would I, I say.
Charms is dead, she says.
He's not, I say.
He died in 1941, she says.
I didn't, I say.
He died in prison, she says. The book said so. It's history.
Listen, young lady, I say, that's a good goddamn load of bullshit. Hell, that's a good goddamn load of academic claim furnished with goddamn crap. Charms is right here, in front of you, and he may curse your arse right through the brain if you don't shut up at once. That's what Charms gonna do if you don't behave.
But she goes on tatting and tatting and tatting. It's Monty Python, she says.
I was first, I say. Cleese grabbed it from ... Well, goddammit, he grabbed my pocket too.
Ooh, she says. Right, she says, I need to catch a fire. What's the time?
1961, I say.
Ooh jee, It's getting late.